Saturday, October 08, 2005


Mixed Intentions

The other day I watched Britain's Next Top Model. The girls are invited to meet a top casting agent where they have to do a mock-audition for an ice cream commercial. Their brief is to look sexy and animalistic while enjoying the ice cream. One model, who is also studying for her PhD, is not happy with the brief. Her audition goes badly. The model receives, what she considers to be, harsh criticism from the casting agent, who advises her to make up her mind whether she wants to be a model or be an academic. The agent tells her she is not fully present. The model takes the feedback on board. She decides she would like to be a model. On her next audition, she performs better because she is a lot happier.

What the model was going through was a classic case of mixed intentions. What do I mean?

Every group – religious, spiritual teaching, philosophy, or other beliefs - have an intention. The intention is the group’s core belief or premise for forming the group, which is the group’s filtering system for interpreting reality.

Over the years I’ve joined many different groups. I am always drawn to a particular group because my intention matches the group’s intention. As time goes by, if the group still matches my intention, I remain in the group. The moment my purpose for joining the group has been served, I now have a new intention. This new intention is to leave the group and focus on another intention that fits in with who I am. If I don’t leave I end up straddling two realities: the old intention that I no longer support; and the new intention that is pulling me away from the group. This straddling of two worlds is what I refer to as "mixed intentions." When I have mixed intentions, I find I am now opposing the intention of the group, which will inevitably create inner conflict within me. Only when I leave (or withdraw my intention from that group) am I fully integrated so I can focus my attention on my new intention.

I've been in a state of mixed intentions for a while. My purpose for being on the path was to "wake up" to who I am. This intention attracted me to equivalent groups. Then I became aware of who I am, but I was still in forums with people who consider themselves still "asleep" or trying to wake up. My rationale for staying was I was having so much fun with other members, and it was a good place to share my work. I know that I don't need any mediator to know who I am, but my continued presence gives the impression that I am there to study the teaching.

It's now time to stop being in two-minds and focus on being true to who I am. I am disconnecting from all groups who are focusing on self-realisation or awakening. I have already achieved this. Time to live out my life with joy.

Naturally, I have made friends in these groups. Does the friendship end now that I've left those groups? That depends on whether our friendship was based solely on shared beliefs. True friendship, for me, is one that transcends beliefs and ideologies; true friendship is about loving without expectation. So, it remains to be seen whether we remain friends or not.

This blog represents an old chapter, an old intention. It is now closed.

I've started a new blog called Infinite Life, Infinite Joy, which is about my experiences of being true to myself. See you there, maybe.

Be happy.


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